Dnipro vs Aberdeen - UEFA Cup

After a brilliant 0-0 draw (and display) against the multi-millionaires of Dnipropetrovsk the Red Army set their collective sights on the away trip in far away Ukraine.

Websites were looked up for anything we could find on Kiev and Dnipropetrovsk and flights were booked. Around 9 RU made the daunting trip across Europe to the former Soviet Union. An early flight from Aberdeen to Heathrow started off the trip and once at Heathrow we settled ourserlves down with some lager in the bar.

An eventful, alchohol filled flight from Heathrow to Kiev ensued, with the older lot amongst the group taking the proverbial piss out of the air stewardesses who resembled things you might see in a tranny bar. Arrangements were made by Jim to go and see one of the air hostesses at her (his?) flat in Brighton...of all places.

Upon arrival at Kiev airport we were soon stopped in our tracks by the queue to get yer passport stamped and also greeted by alot of scousers, as Everton were playing Metallist Kharkiv, who play just outside Kiev. Once we got through that, you then get followed by very pushy taxi-drivers asking if you need a taxi. We however required no such transport as we had hired a mini bus....somehow. As we waited in the bar, Mezzanine proceeded to give the bar staff something to clean up. Just as they finished washing up, our lift arrived in the form of a well spoken Englishman, who was dressed like he was homeless. Looks were exchanged between the group as we began to imagine just what this mini-bus would look like. Turns out it was alright, and we made our way into Kiev and to our hostel nae bother at all.

We then headed out for a few drinks in Independence Square where the beer was cheap and hobo's were aplenty. After the outside areas shut we headed to a bar just round the corner from the square. Turns out their were a number of Dynamo Kiev Ultras in the bar and we soon were joining in with songs. Little did some of us realise that el sicko, Mezzanine, had misinterpreted a Nazi picture on the wall, thinking it was a nazi bar, the picture was removed and Mezz was then chased up the street by two Ukrainian bears. The rest of us however realised that the bar was actually a WW2 themed bar, with memorabilia from either sides of the war. Mr Mezzanines Kiev adventure did not end there however, as he was treated to what happens when you get into the wrong taxi in Kiev.

Some of the group then got taxi's back to the hostel, whilst a random few were left to fend for themselves in the deserted streets of Kiev, as two sang at the top of their voice, one urged them to shut the f**k up, in a whisper. They had not seen the Ukrainian copper strolling across towards us, a humourous exchange took place as the copper called for a traaansssseeet vaaan to independence square, as one of the party had the bright idea of trying to bribe said copper, only to pull out the equivalent of 50p. Then, just in the nick of time, we were rescued by four Everton fans, who distracted the copper and told us to run, run we did. We then hopped in any car that would stop, luckily it was a proper taxi, and headed back to hostel, laughing and giggling like schoolchildren.

On arrival at the hostel we were greeted by the manager, we called him Norman, as he had an uncanny resemblance to Norman Bates. As he told us to go to sleep, we opened up some beers and told our stories of the night. Then, there was a knock at the door, where a visibly shaken Mezzanine staggered into the room to our laughter. What ensued that night, was one of the funniest nights of my life, as Norman came in, and put us all to bed one by one, even taking our drinks off us and leading us to bed. Norman had obviously never encountered Aberdonian stubbornness before and soon after we were pishing ourselves laughing as he would enter every 20mins telling us to be quiet and in some cases catching soem offending ultras in the middle of the room away for a sly flag at the windae.

He wasn't the only one telling us to be quiet however, as Jim confirmed his homosexuality by also telling us to be quiet. In hindsight it maybe was good advice, as what transpired later on in the day was a f**kin nitemare.

As we settled down to sleep at 06:10, we were soon woken up at 06:30 by a mournful Norman who informed us to 'GIIIT UP', this was greeted by the now familiar to him, Aberdonian saying of 'f**k off' and 'wind yer neck in', which was followed by much laughter as the rest of us were still pished. As we stumbled around into action, we soon headed outside to get on our bus, the now immortal shout of 'NO SLEEP TIL NIPRO' went up and we were joined by a few more of the red army who had decided to join us on our bus journey.....from Kiev to Dnipro.

After getting on the bus, those of us that had no sleep soon realised the folly of our ways as the driver was asked how far away Dnipro was, only to be laughed at. That did not bode well, as one bus passenger asked for the bus to stop so he could be sick. As some of us settled down to get some sleep, we were rudely awoken by the sound of the driver on the phone, not driving. He then suddenly turned the bus round, and headed back into Kiev, we were two hours outside Kiev, and apparently had to go back to get a different bus. Hunger and dehydration was now beginning to strike amongst the passengers. After an uneventful but profanity filled trip we got on another bus and headed back out the very same f**kin road we had just went along.

Now on the correct bus, we headed along the roads looking at all ribbons attached to trees and soon after witnessing the standard of Ukrainian driving we realised that the ribbons represented people lives, just as the bus pulled out to overtake a car. With lives hanging by the balance, we decided we couldn't face death with an empty stomach and so stopped off at a garage, if you could call it that, cheese was bought, instead of chips, the piss was taken and thats about it.

We got to Dnipro about 17:30, the already weary bus passengers staggered around the stadium trying to find a bar to refuel in, we found one,and got some local food, which resembled cocker spaniel. That was left by the majority, although sam tucked into his much to our disgust.

We headed to the stadium, walking past a little square filled with Dnipro fans, stand free was sung, as we were greeted by boo's and then applause broke out for us. As we got to the stadium we set up the flags we brought and waited for the game to kick off, it was a tense nervy affair from the fans, but carnage soon broke out as Mackigol bulleted home a header to send us into heaven. What followed was sheer hell. We hung on for dear life, Consi had an unlucky OG and after that we feared the worst, the only thing I really remember is a Dnipro corner in front of us, and the 350 or so Dons fans bellowing out a COME ON YOU REDS COME ON YOUR REDS, at the height of Dnipro pressure, the final whistle was more pandemonium as some dons fans cried, hugged and danced. We soon heard about a mini street party taking place in Aberdeen and reality hit home. What a result.

As we collected the flags from the front of the stadium, much of the red army was still singing and dancing their way out of the ground. We joined them, and were soon subjected to beer over the top of us and then oddly enough, some applause broke out for our efforts from the Dnipro fans. As the red army gathered on the football specials that were put on, we realised our bus was outside the stadium, and soon we were in need of a Ukrainian translator to get us through a line of coppers. Mezz, now an intrepid explorer of Ukraine, vowed to find the bus and burst through the police line with a strange Ukrainian who had muttered enough english to pass our stringent translator test. Hello and Aberdeen being enough to satisfy us.

Whilst we waited in the forest outside the ground, Dnipro fans suddenly started to appear, and began tugging at those unlucky enough to be wearing dons tops. Jim, thinking he was away to get lucky with a young man behind the trees, quickly took off his top in a speed reminscent of Boris Becker doing the deed in a cupboard. Tops and numbers were exchanged, and poor jim was left broken hearted when he was given a ripped old Dnipro top, whether the top was ripped at the height of passion is yet still unknown.

With mezz's continued absence, the majority of the group now tried to get through the police line and to the area where the bus was parked...only to find 60 buses looking the same as ours and a few hundred Dnipro fans drinking out of the boots of their cars. Chalks, now confident he could speakeh the lingo, after his chat with the gestapo strolled up to a group of Dnipro fans and proceeded to down shot after shot of vodka, it tasted more like paint stripper, but never one to lose face in front of a foreigner, he duly took the punishment.

Soon after chalks international drinking society was set up, mezz appeared in tow with our nut job of a driver...christ only kno's where he found him. The driver was then telt to stop at a shop for beer, with the driver reluctant to do this, we had a whip round, resulting in a small fortune being bestowed on this young driver from Kiev. As a result, the driver quickly started to speak english and told us that he would do anything for us. Jim noticeably perked up.

With beers bought we headed back up the long road towards Kiev, stopping regularly for pishes, the much maligned cheese was also disposed off in a farm halfway between kiev and dnipro, rumours that it was seen on sale the next day by the side of the road went unfounded.

As we edged nearer Kiev, the bus occupants soon started to doze off, it was close to 5am, on arrival at our hostel, we bid farewell to the passengers who had joined us and entered the building, only to be greeted by a stern faced dyke that looked like an extra from cell block h. We enquired about where Norman was only to be told to 'giiitt to beeeeed', nothing changes eh. We hit the sack, still wondering what had happened to Norman and whether he was even real.

The next day we awoke to bid farewell to a couple of ru who were heading back to watch the Aberdeen Assasin fight, with nothing else to do, we hit the bars, resulting in a drunken final day in the Ukraine.

The next day we packed up and booked taxi's for the trip to the airport. Sam and Mezz somehow knowing what was coming, instructed a young but fearless ultra into the front seat, where the young ultra soon realised their was no seatbelt, he did enqnuire as to where it was, only for the driver to shake his finger and proceeded to speed off at mach 2. Fearing for his life, the young ultra, soon began to call the two giggling occupants in the back every name under the sun. Swerving in and out of cars at christ kno's what speed the driver seemed to be feeding off the young ultras fear, as he proceeded to try and ram a boy off a moped, the moped however must have been commandeered by another nutter as he didn't move and even proceeded to swear at the now raging bull of a taxi driver. As the young ultra said his hail mary's the airport soon came into view and proceeded to storm off into the airport as the other two c**ts, sorry ultras, laughed and giggled.

The trip back was uneventful, we met other dons fans and listened and laughed to their stories of what they got up to, stopping momentarily to watch macki's gol on the internet and to wonder who we might get in the group stages.

On arrival back in Aberdeen, the group and every Aberdeen fan were buzzing as we spotted the lights of Aberdeen and remembered what we had been through and what we had done. Magic stuff.

Dnipro vs Aberdeen - UEFA Cup

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